


I hate you

by LeRien



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Implied past Karkat Vantas/Terezi Pyrope, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-24
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-08 23:57:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5517884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeRien/pseuds/LeRien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I hate you."<br/>It was nothing but the truth. And yet, it was not even close to the truth.<br/>Where Karkat hates and hates to hate.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I hate you

"I hate you."

It always came down to that. _“I hate you. I fucking hate you.”_ Always the fucking same words. Karkat was starting to think there was a problem with him.

It wasn’t as if he was thinking it through either. He didn’t _know_ why he felt the impulsion to pronounce these words when they were insincere. _I hate you_. The quadrants were simple enough: if you hated someone, they were in your black quadrant. You couldn’t hate somebody in your flushed or pale quadrant. You just didn’t. But he did. And worst, he _was saying_ it.

_“I hate you so much.”_

Usually, it obviously confused the hell out of his partners. Take Terezi for example. No, no, bad example, Karkat didn’t really want to think about Terezi, it was still too raw and mortifying at all levels. But.

He knew he had been unfair with her. Dancing around matespritship and kismesitude without manning up enough to pick one. _“I hate you!”_ He should have known she’d take it as a signal. But thing was, he wasn’t sure he was able to _really_ hate. Not that way. Maybe because of his aspect but… he always wanted to protect people, one way or another. He always _cared._

So he couldn’t hate. But he wasn’t even sure he could _love_. First, because he was unable to utter those words. _I love you_. He never said it, and he couldn’t think he will be able to one day. It just sounded… _wrong_. He could pity, alright… but there was always an anger in that pity, anger and irritation.

Anger because why couldn’t people just… take care of themselves? Couldn’t they stand up and assert themselves? Couldn’t they at least _try_ to correct their defaults? He knew he was the first to deserve these reproaches and that was probably why he couldn’t love himself. Why he felt such a powerful hatred against himself.

Jade had laughed at him for that, but truly, he was the only person he hated _and_ didn’t want to kill – which was the definition of a kismesis. So. Yeah.

He was not going there now, though. There was hotter irons on the fire.

After all this time, he couldn’t _believe_ he still fell in the same traps.

“I hate you, Strider!”

He had regretted his words almost instantly but it was too late. It was an even worse situation than with Terezi. At least, Terezi expected something to grow from this so-called hatred. While Dave could intellectually understand the concept of kismesis, it was still an alien notion in his mind and not one where to build a healthy relationship. Hatred could mean the end of everything for him.

Karkat knew that, of course. That was why he had stormed out of the room and remained hidden in his recuperacoon since then, in the most formidable pity-party he had had for sweeps.

Actually, he was so absorbed by his misery he didn’t hear the door opening and almost drowned in his slime in surprise when Dave’s head popped in front of him.

“Dude. You okay?”

Karkat didn’t trust his voice to answer and tried to shrug – _tried_ being the key word here, it wasn’t exactly easy to shrug when engulfed in a comfy cocoon full of slime.

“Are you crying?” Dave asked, and _shit_ , of course he was crying. As if it wasn’t humiliating enough. He hated Dave. Hated that he could make him that pathetic. Hated that he saw him in such a state of weakness.

“I hate you.” Karkat whispered, less vindictively this time. It was the end, he just knew it. He closed his eyes, hoping the moment – the _pain_ – would be over soon. He didn’t want to see the incomprehension or the pain in Dave’s eyes. He didn’t want to see him leaving without a word, as if he didn’t care. Maybe he didn’t care. Maybe he will be gone when he opens his eyes. Maybe-

Karkat almost yelped when Dave’s arms came awkwardly around his shoulders and his eyes flew opened. Dave was giving him a tentative hug from behind, his face hidden between his shoulders and his neck. His voice was a bit muffled when he answered.

“I know. Love you too.”

Maybe he didn’t hate Dave so much after all.

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Heya ! It is my first attempt to a Homestuck fanfiction and it is probably shitty and bad-written but hey, what can you do.  
> At least, I tried ? Does it work like that ? Feel free to tell me if you liked it or to point out lexical or grammar mistakes !


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